Lets play War of the Human Tanks

This guide is written in a "Let's Play" format where one of the original developers of the game pretends to be playing the game for the first time.

*Fruitbat Note*
Because battles in Human Tanks are never quite the same, it proved almost impossible to replicate Suriwa's experience in combat as narrated in the English version. Because of that, we decided to keep his original Japanese screenshots in the battles from episode 2 onwards. Try to spot differences with our English release!

Chapter 2: 'Lots of Deaths'

All right, I'm back with a bottle of cola. So, actually, I'm not quite sure if I learned anything from the previous episode. But I will definitely do it this time. Here's my new motto: "No more sudden deaths". Now, let's keep it in mind.

Opening movie. As I thought, each episode has an opening movie and ending movie. The footage was the same as what I'd seen last time, so I think I'll skip them from now on... With laid-back music, the scenario part begins.

God, it's scary!! Due to the relaxed music, I never expected to see this horrifying march. Apparently these are the Royal Army, the opponents of the Empire.

Now a little girl sporting twin-tails shows up. Her name's Kurara Iikura. Despite her childish appearance, she seems to be the leader of this huge group of Human Tanks.

Holy moly, what the heck were the creators thinking? Do they have an interest in these kinds of girls...? Dang... If only she were blonde too, it'd be perfect! What would be perfect? That doesn't matter. Let's move on. Now the girl and her men are talking about the Ookawahara Battery, which was taken over by Shoutaro in the previous episode. Oh, look at the figure of this commander. It looks just like one of those shadows that I saw in the opening video. Maybe the opening video will be different next time?

The eyecatch for episode 2. From what I can gather from the subtitle, it seems I'll have to fight against her Human Tanks in this chapter. I'm not sure if it's a good thing to be able to guess what may happen in an episode from its subtitle. For example, I've seen anime subtitles that go like 'XXX dies' and I was like, 'what a horrible spoiler!'. Anyway, let's keep going.

With all their relaxed chatter, I can't believe that this is a war game. I thought Satou would add a more warlike taste to the game... but that doesn't seem to be happening. Now we've got another sortie order. The story moves very fast. Choko appears to be capable of making a Human Tank only three minutes, something which usually takes a month. How do they make Human Tanks anyway, I wonder? Okay, we arrived at the battleground, a flatland called "Yumishirogahara". I ran across a new term: "radiotoxic particles". There was no detailed explanation, though. Maybe I'm going to learn what they are later? Shoutaro's Corps were late to the battle.

    Choko "It already began as we predicted, Big Bro."
    Satou "Lieutenant, if you hadn't stopped to buy ice cream on the way,
         we could have made it here much sooner."
    Shoutaro "You can't blame me. You got one, too."

What the heck is it with this conversation? Are they grade schoolers? However, Shoutaro's Corps are coming up big in the battle. They're getting the enemy army cornered. Finally he's starting to look like a protagonist... or so I hope. And the enemy commander, Megumi Yamana (Megumin) shows up.

    Megumin "Enemy commander, show yourself!!"
    Shoutaro "......should I?"
    Satou "What kind of commander would show himself on a battlefield filled with Human Tanks?
         Let us just have her perish together with her troops."

That's Satou for you, she's so cool.

It's a familiar trope that at times like this the protagonist and enemy leader engage in a battle of words. But Satou won't let them do it. Speaking of Satou, I don't think I've ever seen her expression change since I started the game. ...Or have I? Maybe I have? Even if I have, it must be so rare to see it. Now I have a rough idea of what kind of person she must be. Oh, looks like my second battle begins.

A tutorial comes up first.

Prepare for the battle? I don't get it, but let's just go on. The game was auto-saved.

"Awaiting instructions, Lieutenant."

Wow! I just heard someone speak. Was it Satou? Now I'm in the battle preparation section. It didn't come up in the first episode. So, it seems that the player has to place tanks on the battlefield personally. I'm kind of excited. Let's find out what I can do here.

Holy crap, I only have Heshiko! I expected as much, but I no longer seem to have Lady Masamune. Anyway, I'm deploying Heshiko here. *Presses the Deploy button.*

Fruitbat Note:
Because battles in Human Tanks are never quite the same, it proved almost impossible to replicate Suriwa's experience in combat as narrated in the English version.

Because of that, we decided to keep his original Japanese screenshots in the battles from episode 2 onwards. Try to spot differences with our English release!

Okay, I put her onto one of the blue blocks. But obviously I need more Human Tanks to deploy. How can I do battle with just one tank? Oh, I guess now is the time to assemble them.

As I clicked on Assemble > Tank, I arrived on the screen where you assemble new Human Tanks. To assemble them, I guess you just need to have the number of supplies indicated by 'Required supplies'. Oh gosh, building a Chitose requires 2000 crates of supplies! How pricy. Why only her? The others are much cheaper. Look at Pochi, she's just 150 crates. ......All right, I'm making one of each tank except for Chitose. I don't think there'll be much of a problem this way.  Supplies went from 3000 to 1650 crates. I still don't know how much value a crate of supplies is supposed to have, but pretty much half of what I got has been taken. Maybe I shouldn't have spent that much?

Going back to the Deploy screen. I see the tanks that I just assembled listed. Let's place them all.

Done. Though, I just noticed these weird numbers at the bottom right.
    Deployment Information
    Maximum: 7 tanks
    Deployed: 4 tanks
    Command Tanks: 1
So I can deploy two more, right?

I assembled two more Pochi because of her being the cheapest one, and deployed them. I think I should save as much as possible for the future now.

"Ready to sortie?" Yes!

Operation commenced! Since I've got a lot of tanks, I have no fear. Also, I learned how to fight in the previous combat. I think?

Alright, let's make an attack... Hold on a sec, this Pochi's attacking range, it's so narrow. And what's worse is, her target area includes herself! Ah, I just figured it out. She must be one of those self-destructing units. Yeah, I'm right. Her class is the Shock Tank. Wait, didn't I assemble a lot of Pochi's earlier?

Well, I'll press on. I'm moving all units but the Pochi's.

Enemy discovered! Asahi encountered an enemy unit. I remember seeing this one in Episode 1. Her name is Piko-Piko. Okay, I'm already used to weird names like that!


Asahi "There!"
Piko-Piko "Uuu *sob*."
......Geez, every time I hear a tank's last scream, I can't help but feel guilty. Anyway, I think this Asahi tank is very useful. To be honest, I don't wanna waste Pochi's if I can avoid it, because of their self-destruct ability. I'll have the Pochi's scout and Asahi's attack.

Whoo, a Pochi sniffed out another enemy tank! Aha, this must be why she's called Pochi! Hmm, even if she self-destructs here, no other tanks on my side will get killed. But I want all my units alive for the next battle.

Okay, no self-destructing! I'll have Asahi attack this enemy unit once her next turn comes.

However, another enemy tank came out and...

Enemy Unit "Lauching!"
Pochi "Uwah!"



The Pochi who found an enemy tank just got taken down. Seriously? Sure looks so!! Darn, I really wanted to keep all my tanks alive! Is the enemy commander a demon? A devil?

I think I should sort things out here. What just happened? Yet again I don't know how to deal with this game. One of my Pochi's discovered an enemy unit, and I decided not to destroy her, but in the next moment, another enemy tank showed up and smashed down poor Pochi. .........Ah, I think I've got it! If my tanks move and discover enemy tanks, then the same thing works for enemy tanks? In other words, when my Pochi found an enemy tank, the enemy tank also found my Pochi. And that must have been why my Pochi got killed!  Oh my god, getting discovered means getting destroyed immediately, huh? I got a very similar feeling during the previous episode, but once again...

Take enemies down at once as you find them!

Without hesitation! This is so scary, super scary.

All right then, I won't let them get any more of my tanks. Now that the Pochi who was in charge of scouting is down, the blocks she revealed went back to UNKNOWN. But I can still guess where those enemy tanks could be. I'll have Kana attack since she has a long attacking range. Her ability is far from Lady Masamune's, but it's good enough for now...

Kana "Lauching."
=> Enemy Unit "Noooo."
=> *Ka-boom*

All right, I got her!! Sense of guilt, you say? I don't feel anything like that!! I'm getting serious. With the Pochi down, I no longer have a chance to get a massive victory. Let's take more enemy tanks down---

Enemy Unit "There!"
Suddenly my single Asahi got spotted. Oh no, hold on a sec, this is not gonna be good.

Asahi "Noooo" => *Ka-boom*

Your Asahi [X09 Y11] fell silent!

......Holy crap. Maybe that Asahi had already been seen? Either way, I've got no more Asahi's. Oh dear god, what should I do? I wanna keep the Pochi's alive as long as I can, so Mike will be the only choice left for me. All right, I'll move her forward.

Enemy unit discovered. If I remember right, I saw this Leggings here earlier. So she hasn't moved at all since then.

I have no more hesitation. Fast attack and fast destroy. I tried to attack the enemy tank with Pochi, but her attacking area is a little too narrow. Okay then, I'll use the Recon command instead.


There's another enemy tank here! Maybe this is the one who found my Asahi before? Either way, I don't want her there!

Enemy Unit "Yaaaah!" => *Ka-boom*

Nooooooo, Mike!

Oh my, I just lost another tank of mine... Oh, look.

She self-destructed even though she took one of her friends with her.

Seems they don't care about friendly fire as long as they can kill my tanks. No, I can't do that. I've got no nerve to do such a thing... Or maybe, if you hesitate to sacrifice your tanks, you can't win any battles? Anyhow, since Mike, the Scout Tank, went down, the only strategy I can apply is using Pochi's as scouts and Kana to attack them. With this strategy, I still might be able to destroy the rest of the enemy tanks. I'll forget about all the losses and do everything I can do to win.

Heeeey, waaaait!

Enemy Unit "Take this!"

Kana "They got me." => *Ka-boom*

...At the moment I made up my mind, Kana got killed.


Demon! Devil! Giant jerk!!

Now I've just got two Pochi's and Heshiko. What sort of joke is this?

I have to move on, though...

Advance one of the Pochi's.

Decide where to attack.


Pochi "I don't want to die!"
=> *Ka-boom*

......Oh, please don't say you don't want to die ;_;

Apparently this game is about sacrificing tanks to win battles

I won.

However, this victory came at a steep price. How many tanks did I lose? 

Well, um, not that I wanted to know the exact number...

Total Supplies: 4700 crates?

Before this battle, I only had 3000 crates, so I earned more than twice that. So I'm supposed to assemble more tanks with these supplies. Now I fully understand why this game is categorized as 'disposable strategy simulation'.

Fruitbat Note: That's the actual Japanese genre description for the game. We're just calling it a strategy game.

At first I thought each Human Tank was allowed to fight only once. But it simply refers to how unlikely it is for them to come back alive from the battlefield. What a horrible game.

And Satou commented on the result of the battle.

Satou "This is a natural outcome."


She's super cool. 

Anyway, the story goes on because of the victory. Thanks to Shoutaro's Corps, the Imperial Army stole a victory from the Royal Army. Will they win the future battles like this, I wonder?

When we're back at the command post, Satou looks mad. And after a little bit of a conversation, another ending video starts playing.

And as soon as it's finished, a tutorial pops up.
    "Develop New Tanks!"
And I'm recommended to develop assault-type tanks first because they are useful. I'm not quite sure what this tutorial is about, but let's keep going.

My first intermission. Apparently episode 2 isn't over yet. Now I see new stuff, such as Develop and Free Battle, which I didn't see when I prepared to fight the previous battle. This 'Unift Info' makes me curious. *Click*

As expected, this list doesn't include the tanks that got destroyed during the last battle. They seem to be goners for good.

All right then! I must make strong Human Tanks so that they don't get killed in battle. Just like the tutorial suggested, I'm developing Assault and Battery Tanks. Doesn't seem I get to hear the development results until next battle. But I think I'll be able to assemble new tanks again before I fight the next combat. Let's do all the assembling at that time. I still have supplies left enough to develop more tanks, but I guess I'll save them so I can assemble tanks for the next battle.

All right then, let's go to episode 3.