Lets play War of the Human Tanks

Chapter 5: 'Spats Is Not the Only One with a Horrible Name'

This is the final part of the report. It's Chapter 5. I'd never have thought this report thingy would last this long.
And what I'm going to report this time is... Episode 4. What if something even stronger than that armored train appears...?
But if I lose to that, maybe I will just say something like "check out the rest of the game for yourself". Yeah, I'll definitely do that. That way, I don't have to feel any pressure about the battle.

No! I'm just kidding! I know I can't do that!
I will win and end this report on a positive note.
All right then, let's kick the episode into action now.

An opening footage.
As I predicted, Kurara Iikura appeared in the video.
Nothing more that I want to see, so I'll skip the rest of it.

Unlike the other episodes before (they all started with an eyecatch), the episode starts with a long explanation.
'Twenty years ago, mysterious electronic particles were detected in various locations all over Japon.'
'In areas filled with these particles, electronic devices acted up and human beings went insane.'
Looks like I'm reading about the birth of Human Tanks.
I don't really like wordy texts. Guess I'll skip to where this history lesson ends.
I'm sure I'll be told the essentials somewhere later again.

The Imperial generals are having a discussion.
There's no Imperial General C; only A and B are talking.

And here comes another eyecatch that tells you how the episode might turn out.

The location is Castle Matsumoto.
A big battle is about to commence between Kurara Iikura's regiment and the Imperial Army.

A new character shows up. Her name's Rara.
Though she looks like a Royal Human Tank, I've never seen one with a face like hers.
She must be a special Human Tank.
They are talking about 'evacuation'.
They totally intend to run away, lol.

Lieutenant General Toyonoshima.
Wait, who is this guy?
He appears to be one of the Imperial Army commanders. Another new character with a stupid face.
I wouldn't want someone who has a face like this on my side. Such a motivation killer. I feel really sorry that Shoutaro has to work for him.

"I'll let Daihon'ei have no more credit. I'm going to be the one to take over the castle and reap the benefits."

Jesus Christ, he's a total dumbass!
Could it be that he's that Imperial General C?
Really? That sucks, rofl.
We'd better not send someone like him on the front line. The enemy army must be laughing right now.

So, the battle has started. In the meantime, Shoutaro and his fellows are out of the loop.

Satou and Choko seem to have nothing to do.
 Shoutaro "What can I say? I don't really like capturing castles. It feels like bullying the weak."
 Satou "Those are your genuine feelings, huh. A completely inappropriate thing for a commander to say."
These guys really don't look like soldiers, do they?

And without any notice, that relaxed situation suddenly changes.

Apparently the Imperial Human Tanks in the castle have gone out of control.
They are shooting around blindly.
And even stranger, the Imperial Commander is going wacko as well.

Wait, am I still playing the same game? lol

Okay, let's sort out what's going on.
Someone spread radiotoxic particles inside the castle, and they drove the Imperial tanks and soldiers insane.

And Shoutaro ran into Kurara Iikura, who was thought to have fled.
How would that happen when there must be any number of other escape routes?

What a cliché. I knew she would say this at some point!
Okay, seems I finally have to fight Kurara Iikura this time.
I defeated Megumi Yamana, one of her subordinates, without difficulty. Let's see how good she is.

Battle Preparation screen.
According to Satou's suggestion, this battle is like a battle against a middle-class boss in an RPG.
What's the battleground like?

Hmm, I think this is the most spacious field I've ever seen so far.

First of all, I'm gonna check what that newly developed tank is like.
Well, Shock Tanks are the ones that self-destruct.
It's a great feeling seeing a new tank for the first time.

Now I can assemble Koro.
Compared with the Pochi, she has one point faster Speed.
Look, she's so cheap to make!
While Mike costs 500 supplies, Koro only costs 300. The self-destructing Human Tanks appear to be cheap to assemble.

In other words, I'm supposed to have a lot of them self-destruct.

I'm so ready.

I'm sortieing. Please make no comments on my team.

"You've got nothing but Shock Tanks, haven't you!?"
Please refrain especially from mentioning that.

Operation commenced!
All right then, there's no turning back now.
The BGM sounds like one for a boss battle, doesn't it?
I must say it's totally different from the train whistle that I kept hearing in the previous battle.

Look at all those Koros.
Their faces look so fearless that I can't help thinking they'll probably accomplish something great.
Well, they're always crying.
I would also start crying if I was told I was a Shock Tank as soon as I was born...

Let me say this one more time: I'm getting used to this game.
I can already tell what to do and what not to do.
For one thing, you shouldn't rush moving even if you can.
Because if you go way ahead it's highly likely you'll be killed out of the blue.
The plan is, scout first, then advance little by little.

Enemy tank discovered!
Yes, that's the best way to find enemies.

This is the vision of the enemy tank.
The point is, if you position your tank diagonally against the enemy tank, the enemy tank can't find your tank.
 When your tank discovers an enemy tank, the enemy tank also finds your tank.
 Your tank can't move anymore because she's already moved.
 But the enemy tank can.
 The enemy destroys your tank.
So this placement allows you to avoid that series of actions above.
You're wondering why I'm thinking about this?
That's just because my tanks are all Shock Tanks.

I need to be really careful when I defeat enemy tanks.
Take down the tank as soon as I find her... this is what I did until the previous battle.
I'm not going to apply this tactic now, although I'm making it the highest priority to get the enemy command tank.
This is so thrilling.
Now I'm advancing another tank.

Whoa, enemy tank!
T-this is not good.
This position is not good at all.
The other enemy tank can definitely see my tank.
Moreover, this enemy tank is a twin-tailed Scout Tank.
And she screams 'that doesn't hurt!' when she gets destroyed.
If she discovers the other two tanks below, they'll probably all get killed.

Okay, I'll make this Koro cry...

Koro "G-goodbye!"


I still feel the same guilt as before... How can I get rid of it?
"But it's you who assembled all these Koros and deployed them yourself."
Please don't point that out.

Thanks to her sacrifice, there're no more enemy tanks on this right route. Now I can move another Koro forward.

The enemy command tank should be at the upper left area.
Not only upward, but I'm gonna have to head left too.

Without putting her in the enemy tank's sight, the second Koro goes up.

And she encounters two enemy tanks.
Why!? Why did this happen even though I've been very cautious!?
Maybe this Koro army of mine itself is the reason. I should've had other types of tanks too.
No, wait a minute...

This pink-haired tank... Isn't she the enemy command tank?
She goes down, and I'll win, right?
I thought she should be somewhere much further, but I was totally wrong.
And that means...
The victory is mine!!

Perhaps the Koro's faster speed was the key to the victory.
Come to think of it, the enemy tanks haven't really moved a lot so far.
And I was able to move a lot instead.

Koro "I don't want to die!"

Hold on a sec.

Look at the name of the unit I just defeated.
What's with this "Spats"?
Who would name a tank like that? That's so terrible, lol.
So, is that tank wearing spats?
Is she wearing them all the time?
And since she's a command tank, everyone must call her Captain Spats or something.
I wouldn't want to be addressed that way. Never.
Maybe there will be a tank called 'Bloomers' later?


Huh? The battle isn't over yet.
Even after the explosion animation, any victory screen won't come up.
Huuuuh? Why noooot?
I was supposed to win because I defeated the command tank.

See? The victory condition says so.
I win if I annihilate all the enemy Command Tanks.


'All the enemy Command Tanks'?
Aha, I just realized.
The enemy must have more than one Command Tank.
Dammit, I was fooled by the dead Spats!!

Well, one, two, three... I've got six Koros alive. Heshiko makes it seven.
I'm not 100% sure, but I guess it'll be enough to win.
Let's figure out where the other Command Tank could be. Firstly, upper-left. Secondly, upper-right. Maybe in the narrow path on the left.
Well, it must be the upper-left... but if I take the left route, I might get attacked from behind...
All right then, I'll take the right route.

I'm advancing the Koro upward.
There's nobody there. Maybe a little higher above?
While I'm thinking that...

??? "There!"
Koro "I don't want to die!"

Eh, what? So sudden!
Well, actually, it looked sudden because I kept on clicking and skipped the attack animation. Where did I get attacked from?
I think I paid too much attention to the upper right side.
That's right, enemies can be on the opposite side too.
Also, that Spats can be anywhere as well.

The attack that I just got was not a missile, but a gun shot.
So the attacker must be a rifle user like Aoba.
Which means her shooting range is two blocks.
So the attacker tank is very likely to be at a point that is two blocks away from where the deceased Koro was.
Geez, I really need to use my head for this game.

Let's move this Koro cautiously.

Enemy unit spotted!
Yet again I run into an enemy unit. And considering the position of my tank, the enemy tank knows this Koro is there.
For god's sake, why does this keep happening!?
Since I've gotten this far, I don't want to make her self-destruct here.
But if I hesitate to kill here, I'll get killed.
There's no other way...

Koro "G-goodbye!"

Farewell, Koro.
I will never forget your bravery.
So, how many do I have left?

Four Koros...
Just a few minutes ago, I was sure I had enough Koros to seize victory, but now it's nothing but a good memory.
Anyhow, what I need to do is find out where the other Command Tank is...

Enemy unit "There you go."
God, I let her attack me...
Hang on!

It's Spats!
Even though she's described as UNKNOWN in the bar below, I can tell she's Spats!

[X04 Y05] was hit!
Oh, I got a hint of where she is!
Her weapon is a rifle, so she must be close to that coordinate. As I thought, she's in the upper-left region!!

If I make it through this route without getting hurt, I'll be able to take the Spats down, right?
I'll leave everything to luck from here.
If I encounter another enemy, I'll be finished.

I'm heading up there!


I made it here.
It's so thrilling.
Why didn't I assemble any other tanks but Koros? Stupid me!
I'm halfway there. I feel like a mountaineer.

And the Koro taking the left route discovers an enemy tank.
Also, the enemy discovers her too.
No friendly tanks around her, and I can't send any backup for her anymore...

In life, there are times when you have to give up something.

Koro "I don't want to die!!"
Please don't say you don't wanna die...
I'm sorry.

And finally that girl breathes fire – the enemy tank that I discovered first.

Enemy unit "You there?"

Koro "Haua!"

What, that Koro couldn't be in her sight!
Gosh, I don't know how enemy tanks saw her again.

I've got to win this battle, anyway.
No time to waste thinking about trivial details. All I have to do right now is defeat the Spats up there.
Wait there for me, Spats.
If I come across a tank with a rifle, I can't do anything but die.

I made it past the choke point!
Almost there.
If that Spats is still there, I'm just a few blocks away from her.
Oh right!
I must protect Heshiko too!

I think it's a little too late, but I'm bringing the Koro close to Heshiko.
If my Koro up there gets killed...
No, I can win. I will definitely win.

This game is not turn-based.
If the tank gets the CONNECT mark on, she can take action.
So until she gets the marker, she can be defeated anytime.
I'll wait...

I'll wait until the time comes...

I got it!

All right, I get to go first!
Where should I move? Left or up...
Okay... I'll go up.

There she is!
I found the Spats!
Hmm, no, her name seems to be Leggings, not Spats.
But it doesn't matter! I'll defeat her and win the battle!
Perfect position.

Koro "I don't want to die!!"


Koro's self-destruction kills both enemy tanks as well.

Did I win?

Oh, it's a dialogue.
In other words...

I won?

Iikura "Just you wait!"
I won? I did, didn't I?

I woooooooon!!
I only used Koros and I won! It was so close!!
As the victory screen showed up, I heard someone yell 'Just you wait!".
That must have been Iikura.
Phew, it really was pretty close. I almost lost.

Cool, I've got over 10k supplies.
I think this is all because I saved supplies by assembling only Koros.
Oh I just came up with a good idea. It would be pretty fun if I fought all the rest of the battles with Shock Tanks only.
Part B of the scenario has begun.

Shoot, Kurara Iikura got away.
Well, I just remembered she told me "just you wait".
Satou explains who Kurara Iikura is in detail.
It's hard to believe that little girl is a Full Colonel.
 Satou "I saw her wearing an aiguillette on her shoulder, so there is no mistake."
 Shoutaro "You're so observant, Satou."
 Satou "Because I'm a staff officer."
Apparently, Satou is going to deal with everything by saying "it's because I'm a staff officer".
So Shoutaro ended up letting the enemy Colonel run away, and suggested everyone not to report that to the HQ.

But Satou did report it, lol.
After a conversation between her and the Imperial generals, Shoutaro's Corps were accused for their actions and...

It was decided that they are going to be sent up north.
Despite the fact that it is them who opened the eastern invasion route, they were ordered to head to the north.

And Satou's drinking to escape from reality.
 Satou "I'm a little drunk so I'm having a breath of fresh air."
 Shoutaro "You look the type who can hold their liquor."
 Satou "I'm still a minor."
You can't drink, Satou!

So, Episode 4 ends, and with that, this report also draws to a close.
It might be fun playing the game with some unit restrictions...
Thank you all for reading this.
I hope you enjoyed it.